Why is my mouth so dry? Who’s bed is this? Where did I get this tattoo? Is this my blood? After a really bad night, we ask ourselves questions that always lead to one larger question: How did this happen to me and how did I let this happen?
The GOP is hungover. It’s presidential nominee defeated and Senate candidates crushed in red states, things haven’t looked this bad for Republicans since 2008. The question is, once the party has gotten a good puke in and chugged a Gatorade, will it learn from mistakes or will it go out again next election and wake up on a couch covered in Sharpie graffiti.
Republicans lost women, blacks, Hispanics, Asian-Americans, and the young by sizable margins. Polling shows that they are well behind the general public when it comes to accepting gay marriage and abortion. They have alienated Hispanic voters, who are the fastest growing demographic in the country. The party must take a serious look at its stance on social issues, immigration, and taxes if it is going to recover from this. I don’t mean to say that conservatives should sacrifice its principles, but like a freshman at Splatter, they went too hard.
I have already read a couple of articles that blame the GOP loss on Mitt Romney not being conservative enough. That is like saying, “wow, I really don’t remember any of last night and I’m covered in weird cuts and bruises. I should have done more cocaine.” The Republican Party can’t really get much more conservative, or it could but I can’t imagine that would bear much fruit. Just ask Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock if being more conservative worked. I’m sure candidates who are more conservative could become primary darlings, but that only highlights how incompatible and out of touch their ideology is. You can drink off a hangover, Republicans, but that just means you will get a super hangover at 5pm.
I sincerely hope that the GOP will find a way to broaden its appeal. It isn’t healthy for a democracy to have such a stunted political discourse. At least if the party could ignore some of the more extreme currents it could focus on more mainstream issues like infrastructure and immigration reform. They could become a party of liberty and individual responsibility without encroaching into people’s private lives (and parts). It is easy to be optimistic after the election with all the victory and concession speeches pledging to work with the other side. Hopefully they are genuine promises and not political fluff. Otherwise, the GOP is going to be dealing with the Hangover II, which we all can agree was a little unnecessary.
Most importantly, I’m sick of my time being wasted in political debates. I don’t want to hear bickering about the debt ceiling or voter fraud or anything else like that. GOP, I’m sick of listening to your drunk ass bitch about how if minorities voted in their actual interests you would win, or about repealing the healthcare law, or about how you can’t pick up any women (you have no game, sir). I would rather hear about how you are going to help me get employed and live a happy life, but until you sober up I want nothing to do with you and neither did a majority of Americans Tuesday night. And stop partying with Karl Rove. He’s Zach Galifinakis and he is putting stuff in your drinks.